Love Is a Ballast

The ‘Vasa’ was the name of an early 17th century Swedish battleship that foundered and sank after just one nautical mile from harbor into its maiden voyage. To those in attendance the unexpected tragedy must have come as a total shock given its outer splendor and glory.

So what was the reason for its sudden downfall? How could something so superior and inspiring from its very start end so quickly? The problem as it came to be known was not something related to its outer parts but rather what had been missing from its inner.

It had insufficient ballast.

Consequently, as the wind began to blow, the mighty vessel began to sway and falter due to its inability to stay upright bringing it to a terrible and tragic end of what could have been a very majestic and fortunate journey.

Marriage is a lot like a ship in sail with far too many of them, about half today, sinking needlessly and tragically like the Vasa did soon after their first launch.

When constructed with all the proper mechanics necessary for a successful operation – love, respect, attention – a committed relationship can be well suited to weather any trial, tempest, or tension. And in the same way a smooth sea denies a mariner his required skill, so will a marriage devoid of courtship and favor fail to make an enduring and stabilizing union.

In the absence of a steadying positive influence, from both partners, the matrimonial ship will invariably begin to waver and reel. And as words of criticism and blame blow without end, the vessel soon loses its spirit and finally surrenders to the elements, leaving it to drift and finally fail from the wounding waves of negativity. It really matters not the manner of its fall only that it is going down.

Too many relationships, made lighter by pride, selfishness or criticism, lack the necessary influence to stay balanced in times of trial or tempest. In such moments will the positive weight, or amount of love and respect in the relationship be tested and tried to see if it is sufficient enough to maintain the stability and security of the ship whatever the condition or conflict.

And if in those same testing situations we find ourselves more at odds with our significant other(s) than of one accord have we then regrettably exposed an empty marital hull – lacking in love and respect and the very influences by which all relationships can stay on course. 

I once heard someone say that our actions give us weight. That is, the more positive actions we take in life the more balanced and stable we (and our close relationships) become. Truly, it is in how we choose to act around our significant others that define who we really are and whether we have sufficient ballast in our own matrimonial, parental, or personal vessels to stay upright when hard times come.

Any key that rests will soon rust in the same way love will wear thin from disuse and neglect. In marriage, if it is to be kept alive it must be expressed frequently and in kindly words and thoughtful actions. When it is denied, much of the color and beauty of life will fade. This is like replacing the rainbow for the rainstorm.

Love begets love and it, like a boomerang, comes back to him or her who sends it out. Anger has the same effect and when left unanchored and loose, will put at risk the whole ship and its preferred course. It is therefore imperative that two people strive to keep their emotions fixed firmly on the relationship rather than self in order to avoid the risk of going off course or worse - under.

Husband and wife must learn to master their moods rather than dodge them completely which always pays in the dividends of sweetness and the love they express to each other daily - without fury or criticism.

If there are failings in your marriage, commit yourself to more positive action so that when the wind blows you can remain steadfast in your convictions and commitment to the relationship no matter the trouble.

Believe that love is the most precious cargo on the ship of life and that in a storm at sea it is the only real and valuable thing worth saving. Of what worth is pride and superiority if the ship itself is taking on water? The greatest security then is to love for love makes a wonderful ballast.

Perhaps Gabriel Garcia Marquez said it best when he declared:

“Always remember that the most important thing in a good marriage is not happiness but stability.”